Natural Disasters Equal Natural Tears...

There is just no other way to say it: I am a complete emotional mess. I hide it well, but then I sit here after everyone else has gone to bed and I cry. I admit that it is not one of those things I just sit and do on regular occasion, but when something hits me in the heart I let go and cry. The only thing that keeps me from being completely buried in embarrassment is the fact that I know I am not alone.

I know everyone is aware of the 7.0 magnitude earthquake that rocked the tiny third-world country of Haiti barely 10-days ago. That's no longer news. But it is haunting me. I am struggling with the fact there are so many children who have lost everything, including their entire families. I am wishing I were among the people who have volunteered and deployed to help the Haitian people, whether on their own, through an organization, or with the military. And I am praying. Fervently. It's all been emotionally draining.

Yet the good thing is that I know who I am and that I'm not the cold-hearted person I sometimes am accused of being. When it becomes your nature to hide emotion and a lot of personality from those who aren't family or the closest of friends you begin to hear all sorts of interesting impressions and accusations. Sometimes it makes me laugh, this time it made me bawl my eyes out...

New Year, New Semester, New Life....

January ushered in more than just a new year, it brought the start of another semester of school for me. I am still a part-time student, it's what's working for me, but I have upped things to 3/4 time: 9 semester credits. Yes, I am well aware that that fact is less than exciting, but it is what seems to work for our family. Right now those classes are still history classes, but they do involve a lot of work. Especially this semester! Four research papers, one speech, and plenty of time making sure I don't completely blow tests that are all essay questions. I see many late nights in my future! But it IS all worth it!

January also brought about some new things for the family. I have been on a mission to clean out the accumulated stuff in our house. Things such as coats, clothes, toys, and just...stuff! I am pleased, yet also very humiliated to share that we donated 9 trash bags of adult clothing and coats (seriously, 3 of those bags were JUST the coats Jeff & I had accumulated!) to the shelter at the Salvation Army. But other than that, I have finally nearly completed the cleaning out of the basement. Goodwill has gotten to know me a wee bit too well! Luke has been fantastic with this. It's tough for a 3-year old to understand having so much and sharing with those who don't, but he's thrown a few things in the donation boxes.

But I think the biggest new thing actually revolves around yours truly. It's probably not any kind of a secret that I have been looking and applying to return to full-time work, but it is a bit of a surprise when people find out where. I have been turned down by some, had the FBI position cancelled (but they're retaining my resume, so that's VERY good!), and am still waiting to hear on a few others, but they are all Federal positions of the intelligence kind. Right up my ally, and definitely where I am trained. The door that has been opened, however, is the one that finds me back in uniform.

I cannot even begin to express my excitement over that fact! It is truly amazing how one can feel they've left their job unfinished but then be given another chance at fulfilling the mission. Even better is the fact I'll actually be with the planes this time instead of only sitting inside a SCIF freezing my butt off! Yes, being an Air Force Reservist is a part-time job, but it's also still 24/7. The door opened with the opportunity of becoming what is known as an Air Reserve Technician, the same full-time position my dad held for so many years (just in a different shop, of course!). Until my SCI clearance is upgraded again (which tends to take months....always) I will be doing structural inspections on the C-130, including X-rays. VERY cool, and I'm trained in the art of taking, developing, and reading X-rays! But I do hope I'll get the chance to crawl inside an intake for an inspection. I always feared it when my dad had to do something similar in the F-16, so it's sort of facing that fear, but it's also just kind of fun to say "I was the smallest person, so they sent me in." How many people can say they've hung out inside an aircraft engine's intake?

(Not part of the 302nd, but a great demo of intake inspection)

Needless to say, Luke is a little excited about this, as well. He keeps telling me I can't be an "Air Force Man" because HE is the one who is, but he's thrilled to get to know the airplanes. This child takes after his mom, uncle, and sometimes Grampa in that he hears a plane (or helicopter) fly anywhere near the house and shoots out the door to take a look, and he's expressed that he wants to fly later in life. I can't wait to get him familiar with these Herculean birds!

(one of my unit's birds dropping water on a wildfire)

If you have read this far, I thank you! I know it's a bunch of rambling drivel, but it's also the quick catch-up. I hope January has been half as exciting for the rest of you!

Joyeux Noel...part 2

Yes, yes, I know I am slow on this.

We woke on Christmas morning when daddy got home from work. Well, Luke woke up, I was allowed to sleep in another hour. I'm quite grateful for that! But then the fun began.

Luke could not hold his excitement at being able to finally tear into the presents without getting into trouble. I add that caveat because he tore into two gifts on two separate occasions and presented his treasure to us with pride. Imagine his disappointment when it was taken away and he got to spend a few minutes in time-out for that little trick. But he learned, and now he was ready to devour the paper. He thought it was great fun and couldn't get enough! He even enjoyed the orange & apple I put in his stocking (momma & daddy got one of each, too, don't worry!). The orange instantly became a temporary baseball while the apple became an instant breakfast. Goofball kid...but I can't complain that he loves his fruit.

He thought it was great fun that he was allowed to help us tear the paper off of our gifts, but he also thought our stuff was very boring. It didn't make sounds, it didn't have Lightning McQueen on it, and it wasn't something that he could put together to drive stuff on or use as an airstrip. His toys, however? He was in complete heaven! I'm also proud to report the few items of clothing were much appreciated as he attempted to wear all of it at the same time, pre-washing. The books he received were all read (at least in part) before noon. And the puzzles were sadly told they had to wait until we could find a spot on the floor to put them together. What a great kid to patiently wait for that to happen!

Once things were somewhat picked up, family was called, and everyone was fed I took off to deliver some cookies to friends in Penrose. Daddy took a well-deserved nap and Luke joined him for a bit. I wasn't gone that long, but they were both up & playing by the time I got home.

All-in-all, we had a fantastic day that was full of nothing but family fun. As much as I enjoy being with extended family on holidays, it is pure love to have Christmas morning involve just me & the boys.....

Joyeux Noel...part 1

I had so much fun preparing for Christmas this year. Luke's third seems to have been the most fun thus far, and he was certainly ready! After quite some time of exclaiming over the lights, helping me put up the decorations, doing a really good job of staying calm while we gave toys to OTHER kids, and deciding he wanted nothing to do with the Christmas program at church, Christmas Eve finally rolled around.

Daddy had to work, but Luke and I went to the 5:30 candlelight service at our church. That's earliest Christmas Eve service I have been to in a very, very long time. When I lived in Hawaii I went to an 8pm service, but that WAS the late service. Otherwise, it's been only 11pm services since I was young and my parents decided I was old enough. That is, however, much too late for a little child. I was actually quite surprised at just how crowded it was! I figured most of the kids went to the 3:30 Barn Service, but there were still quite a few at this one. Luke was fidgety, and he even let the entire congregation know he wanted to talk. "Can I talk NOW??" And a round of laughter. I was really amused, but also mortified. He survived, though, and he loved the candles. Then came time for us to have a special treat for dinner: Christmas pancakes at IHOP!

This really was a treat because we don't go out that often. I was just sorry Daddy couldn't join us for this one festive occasion, though. You see, this was the reward for the gift Luke gave us, fittingly on Christmas Eve. A year ago this month (January) he had been fully potty trained as was doing really, really great. When I had my pulmonary embolism in February, all that training went down the toilet. It was so bad for a while that he would have a full-fledged panic attack if we even attempted walking into a public restroom....which ended up painful for the parents, but we dealt. For the past almost year we have been fighting to get him back onto the potty. On Christmas Eve morning he marched into the bathroom, sat on his potty, then hollered to us at the top of his lungs "I POOPED!" And that was all it took! He's been in big boy pants ever since!

We got home a little after 8, later than Luke's bedtime, but it was a special night. I let him watch a Christmas show, we continued tracking Santa on NORAD's map, and he was too excited to go to sleep. Eventually he caved, and Santa was able to make his visit. I finally climbed into bed somewhere around 2am, and the sugar plums danced in our heads all night long....