I know this is silly, and completely irrational, but maybe other moms can appreciate it. It's been a bit of a rough evening for me. We have some friends who are expecting their first baby in June and still had not found a crib, changing table, and a few other things. Well, considering we will not be having any more babies, we offered Luke's. The only request we had was for them to pay-it-forward once the time comes.
The crib wasn't as difficult because Luke spent most of his infancy in our bed, next to me. Trust me, nursing that way is MUCH easier and we actually got sleep. Luke was a pretty good sleeper, unless he was teething, but he was also a very, very hungry baby. He ate a ton! I'm grateful for that. He did spend some time in his crib, taking naps in there, spending part of the night in there after six months, but the majority was in our bed. Besides, it's been taken apart and downstairs in storage for almost 6 months. I'd already sort of said goodbye.
The changing table was another story. I cleaned the shelves off, then opened the drawer and started there. I was immediate taken back to when we found this crib and table. I had played with the drawer then and almost felt like a little girl begging for something when I smiled at my husband. He sort of sighed playfully, then paid for our treasures. I started sniffing and tearing up thinking about that. Luke often fell asleep on the table, and there was more than once I let him stay there while I enjoyed the time reading in the glider next to him. Luke also loved to climb the thing and hide stuff from in the drawer. It makes me wonder what we'll find in what in what new place now that the table is gone.
Before we could take it out of the house, Luke climbed up and feigned sleep. He was giggling, but we got the point. We took a few pictures, then broke his heart by having him get down. He felt better "helping" us move it, but we could both see he was a little bothered having to give something of his up like this. It's hard to think of that.
So, I am a bit sad tonight. It's not over the stuff, it's over what that stuff represents. My baby isn't a BABY any longer. That's a bit of a tough pill to swallow.....
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7 comments:
Oh, I absolutely know what you are talking about. It's amazing what those things come to represent and how hard they are to part with. The only thing that makes it better is knowing they are going to a good place. You are doing a good thing.
I still have all of Savvy's dresses. I have given her clothes away, but for some reason can't part with the special,frilly, girly dresses from when she born. I guess it represents something I'm not ready to let go.
Loved this post.
I bawled big, huge tears when we gave away the baby swing and baby car seat recently. I actually moped around for a full day. And I felt terrible about it - I gave them to someone who totally needed them, so I felt truly ungenerous. It's not the loss of the "stuff", it's the loss of babyhood in our home. I will miss it so much.
Robyn - I'm hording dresses too. I can't explain why, but I can't part with them yet.
Robyn and Claudia summed up my experiences so I will just say 'ditto' and cry.
I, too, have a tote of some of Luke's baby clothes stored downstairs. I just can't seem to let go of them.
I know how you feel. I feel that way every time my girls grow out of a certain "age" of clothing. Luke is such a cutie.
Oh! Boy, where must I begin? I know your feelings through and through, and you have every right to feel the way your feeling. I DEEPLY understand. I have Bins and Bins of clothes I need to get rid of, I know how it is to hold onto something and hope it will make a difference, your great to pay it forward in such a rewarding way.
I just bagged all the boy clothes I collected over the last few baby boy losses and took them to a neighbor friend who had a premature baby and lost the twin at 22 weeks. Your an amazing person Denise and I respect you so much.
love you!
Wow, I hide away for a few days and there's new comments!!
Shannan- I sniffle every time I clean the closet out (which seems like weekly because he's huge!). It's pathetic, but I don't care :)
Shalise- Actually, Jeff's the amazing one. He kind of told me where the crib & changing table (and some clothes, the hiking backpack, the wipes warmer, etc) were going. I just had to get it all together. Trust me, nothing big from me! Besides, my experiences are nothing, my dear!!
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