Crossroads...

I'm anxious. I actually feel quite a bit like I did when I graduated high school: ready to conquer the world, but not sure how to go about it.

Each year I try to set some goals for myself. Sometimes I get a few done, the past few years I wasn't able to complete any other than getting my baby here safely, and this year I actually managed to complete them all plus one. Now I'm starting to make my goals for next year. I have one ready. A big one. And I'm already having problems. I need a pool, but I don't want to join a health club or the YMCA to have basically unlimited access. Why spend that kind of money when all I need is a pool? Ugh...but I'll persevere and see what I can do.

But then comes my other goal in mind. It's been there for...well, forever. I was there once, but had to back out because of a pregnancy that wasn't cake. I didn't want to risk my health, or that of my unborn baby, so I backed out. Now I'm ready to jump back in, but I need to figure out some things that I may not get help with. So I'm also frustrated.

I was never even supposed to be able to join the military because I tore my knee apart when I was a freshman in high school. In fact, my orthopedist said I'd never run again. I believed him for two years, then decided he didn't know crap about me and took charge. By the time I graduated, I was only dealing with being afraid to take the plunge. I was 19 when I just decided one day, told the recruiter exactly what I wanted, basically got it, signed my commitment, then went home and announced to my parents I had joined the Air Force. Fun thing to do when you're eating dinner! I left Valentine's Day 1996 for Basic Training, and it was the best thing I could've done. Now I'm ready to get back....only part-time as a Reservist because of family. It's all in the timing, and I feel like I'm back where I was then...

I readily admit that the goals I set are for selfish reasons. I do need to emphasize, however, that selfishness is fueled by wanting to make my little boy proud. I realize all kids are proud of their parents, but I just have a need to have him see me doing something worthwhile. I fooled around as a teenager and young adult enough.....